How to Handle a Major Life Change
We all need extra support when life gets hectic and stressful, but when you’re going through a major life change it can be even more difficult to transition your mindset.
In fact, the characteristics of a major life change center on transition - your reality before the change and after will often look vastly different and your routines, as well as your mindset, will need to adjust to your new normal! Depending on the change and how much it upends your life, the transition can take weeks, months or years, and we all process these changes differently.
While the phrase “major life change” can conjure specific events to your mind like retirement, a death in the family or a divorce, it applies to any life event that causes you to enter a state of significant transition. If you find yourself thinking in terms of before and after this event, chances are it qualifies as a major life change.
Common Examples
Here is a short list of the most common major life changes, but again this is not an exhaustive list:
Marriage
Divorce (you or even your parents)
Birth of a Child (dads also experience this stress and they don’t have as many resources)
Death in the Family
Diagnosis of New Health Condition (yourself or someone close to you)
Graduating from College
Career Transition (including workplace trauma, COVID work, retirement)
Personal Identity Journey
Let’s explore an example, the diagnosis of a new health condition, to start unfurling the many facets of life impacted by a major life change. You can use this example to get you started with unpacking your own unique situation.
If it’s your own diagnosis, chances are your everyday life will need to change in order to support your health journey. Your habits, mindset and view of the future will likely change out of necessity. The strain on your mental state is compounded here, with added stress from the diagnosis itself, the new demands placed on your routines, weighing its impact on your relationships, and likely an anxious view of the future. That’s a lot to process!
If the diagnosis of a new health condition applies to someone close to you, you may now be responsible for helping with their care. They may be resistant to change and because you love them, you will put added pressure on yourself to help them change to improve their health. So now there is added stress due to the diagnosis itself, but also the realization that life will not be the same again. You may also have fears for their future prognosis and, depending on the relationship, you may now have new concerns for your own health in the future too.
Are you beginning to see how stress compounds when in a state of transition?
So if you identify with actively being in a major life change or have a change in your future that is imminent, what can you do to handle these changes?
Navigating the Transition
A great place to start is to ask for help. This hurdle can sometimes be hardest, as it requires us to face the reality of our situation and then identify our own limitations.
Sometimes a neutral observer can help unravel the tangled web you find yourself in, simply by gently guiding you through your own emotional processing. Engaging a life coach has so many benefits for those who find themselves going through a major transition! Not least of which is having an ally who will hold space for you while you process and begin to navigate your new normal.
Here are some other supportive activities and acts of self-love that you might try when it gets tough:
Realize you can’t do everything and be clear on what’s important
Find what brings you balance and do more of it
Take care of your physical body
Recalibrate your mindset to focus on your goals and values
Eliminate the noise and don’t be distracted by the shoulds
Identify areas where you have control and where you don’t
Let’s talk about the shoulds and what that entails - the shoulds are things you think you should be doing, and there is often some shame or guilt associated with not doing them. The shoulds can come from societal pressures, trends on social media, beliefs from your childhood or family upbringing, comparing yourself to others and a ton of other places.
Inherently, the shoulds don’t align with your goals and values, but we place immense pressure on ourselves to do them anyway. Once you realize you don’t have to live up to anyone else’s standards, you free yourself to focus on the activities and people in your life that bring you joy and balance.
If you find yourself going through a life change, I hope this guidance encourages you to give yourself grace and know that by very definition, transitions cannot last forever. One day you may find yourself looking back on this life event and wish you had been kinder to your present self.
I find the Serenity Prayer brings many people peace as they navigate major life changes and need perspective amid the overwhelm. It can be helpful to remember that every situation has things we can control, things we can’t, and to give ourselves time to determine what each of those things are!
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Remember: you’ve got this! Let me know if I can be of any help in your journey!
